There's no tenderness anymore when you match these dudes

How long have you two been matching dudes? Oh, I don't know, since...Puberty? Right, puberty

The dude on the right is so skinny, I doubt he's gone through puberty at all. When he is not out at yoga class or in the kitchen, it looks like this guy on the right might have some sort of a social life. Too bad his social life is minimized to matching a dude. But he's too old to experience forced matching by his parents. The fake mustache on his friend lends a bit of maturity, but really, who's ever bought a fake mustache (not from Spencer's)? Obviously, Bieber cannot pull it off, even though he wants to:

Make fun of Justin Bieber and matching dudes with us, after the jump.

Shit's ugly. Justin Bieber may not be able to grow facial hair till he's thirty. If I sang like an eunuch at his age, I could have got real nice and famous, too. Too bad I have mediocre genes, the fourteen year old chicks would have been served on a dessert platter. These genes have also made me dress quite normally instead of seeking friendship by promising a perfect clothing match. One time I tried to lift weights, but it didn't work out. I got up to 30 lbs. on the military press, then started crying because it hurt so good. The only solution: match dudes so they'd be my buds. Even if it crushed my dignity. I barely had that anyways. I woke up naked outside Five Guys. If you love the original Top Gun video, unadulterated by Halloween idiocy, take a look: